Stressed Out

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." – Eleanor Roosevelt

"Invoke the valor in you. Just say, 'Okay, whatever comes, I am going to take it as a challenge.' When you invoke this energy, fear vanishes." -Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

"Take a step of faith and God will see to the rest." -Leymah Gbowee

Navigating life's challenges often requires us to confront our fears and embrace faith. This past week has been particularly stressful. Challenges with major accounts, unmet deadlines due to equally busy colleagues, and experiencing my lowest sales month in company history have all contributed to sleepless nights and a pervasive sense of dread.

            This morning, I was making my oatmeal as I always do in the microwave, and when I went to get it out, it had gone all over the glass plate. I know that it must be set at 1:30 minutes and had quickly pushed “2” because I was in a hurry. This happens about two to three times every week, and when I opened the door, in a hurry to get to work today, I heard myself snap, “Stupid girl – you know this has to be at 1:30 seconds!”

            Everything in my entire world stopped, including me, completely shocked.

            I immediately said out loud, “Kelly, you are a strong, wise, educated woman. There is nothing stupid about you. You are a beautiful and kind person,” to counteract the negative statement in my mind and in my being.

            It has been so long since I have had a thought like that or said it out loud that it shocked me into silence and I became motionless. I am thankful for that. The whole incident reminded me that no matter how far I have come, no matter how hard I have worked, nor how long I have been meditating, I am still in human form.

            When I used to regularly attend 12-step meetings, me and the people in the meetings regularly said, “My parents may have told me I was stupid, but I took it to a whole other level and turned that into, ‘You are the stupidest thing in all of existence that ever lived.’” It was a way to make light of a serious situation, or sometimes to cry about how hard I am on myself.

            Life happens. Things go wrong. Sometimes, for a while. And there are always, always bright spots to look at and be grateful for – always. Like, regardless of how hard this week was, I had two sisters on my spiritual path talk with me at work as events unfolded (and commiserate with me) on how hard life is at times. Another friend gave me time from her schedule to read through an email I composed, and a brother on our path gave me a solid hour of time to listen to me list all the things that hindered me this week and offered constructive feedback in the form of writing said email. I talked on the phone to friends, and I saw a couple of friends outside of work. All of these connections served to show me that I am not alone and that even during the most stressful times, there are always bright lights to be found.

            I haven’t slept well from the stress that I am still feeling today that has served to make me forgetful, but I am actively working today on my PhD, on this blog, and on creating my own “Plan B.” All of this effort is the result of going through so many hard weeks over time and learning that I will survive. I know from experience that sometimes a succession of seemingly negative events is exactly what it takes to push me in another direction, which has always worked out for me. Ultimately, everything that happens is karma and distraction.

            In Her Satsang on March 8, 2009, Kathy said:

Every breath, every blink of the eye, every swallow, everything we do is karma. There isn’t a question discerning which things that we’re doing is a karma that belongs in another realm. We more or less look at it as if 'what are those karmas we have which are related totally to serving Shabd?'* And which are related totally to serving us in the sense of working off the veils of karmas we have built up. And again, it’s a very simple answer. It’s still the same thing. We, in everything we do, every breath we take, every blink of the eye are, we are clearing by just taking up space here and having the acknowledgement, an automatic acknowledgement of the fact that there’s time and space and light and relationships and children and mothers and fathers.”

She continued:

“As we grow on the Path, everything is a distraction. The beauty of it is the attitude that develops within us which says, 'this is a distraction. I have to know how to deal with distraction.' Our soul is enabling our mind to focus on how much we are distracted from Shabd by everything. Even though it’s giving us a kind of impression that it’s only this one thing that, ‘My goodness, I’m so distracted.’ But you’re always that distracted. I mean, you didn’t come down from the throne of Sach Khand** and get distracted before you could go back! It’s not like a long coffee break that you got distracted on. So, it’s like another way of describing being in a human form and having to practice meditation. As long as you are doing the meditation, you’re dealing with anything in your life that brings distraction from Shabd.”

Ultimately, that is all anything on this earth is – karma and distraction from our primary Source and goal in life which is reuniting consciously with God. It may not seem like that is the purpose of life, and yet, it truly is. And all the stress and fear and anxiety and negativity that can be produced is really the same as events that cause happiness and joy and peace. Just two sides of the exact same coin. Staying in a mantra given by a true Teacher, and attending to daily regular and punctual meditation, is the only thing that actually matters. And Love. Which grows through meditation.

The constant and recurring answer to all of my problems today is saying my personal mantra and practicing regular and punctual meditation. Through these practices, I am slowly and slowly able to let things go more quickly, to take action faster, and to stop myself immediately when I am so stressed out that I am berating myself out loud.

The following prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr is one I have used for years and first learned in 12-step meetings:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen."

So grateful right now for all of it – the stress, anxiety, deep friendships, and love that are all part of my daily life. Especially for the momentary lapses into old behavior that keep me grounded and seeking God. And always, always, for Her.

In Her Love,

Kelly

*Shabd - The divine sound current that is the source of all creation and the key to spiritual realization; God.

**Sach Khand - The highest level of spiritual attainment, where a person experiences a mystical union with God.